I know a lot of people with Aspergers/Autism who want to be in a relationship. There are a few suggestions I would give.
1.Understand you Aspergers/Autism
If you know your aspergers/autism enough to explain it, you can show what it is to the other person. Many people have different ideas about autism and aspergers. This leads to the next point.
2.Wait until you get serious to tell the other person
Several reasons: They understand you better, and will less likely imagine a lot of things that your aspergers/autism isn't. You will help them understand any irregualarities.
3.Know that you don't meet the right one the first time.
I know several people who met on dates 150 people before they found the person who was right for them (and these are neurotypical people).
If someone has other suggestions please leave it as a comment
Best luck
Showing posts with label Dating and aspergers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dating and aspergers. Show all posts
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
Where to find a good spouse
This relates to people with aspergers, as well as people who don't.
First where not to find a spouse:
A BAR
ONLINE
In those two places you are only looking at what the person looks like (or what they seem to look like). Physical attraction can be good, but only if there is something beyond that keeping a relationship together (shared intrest, values, etc.).
THE BEST PLACES TO FIND SOMEONE WHO IS QUALITY
Place of worship
Community service events
Refered by someone you know
With these last three ways to find someone, you are finding more refined people. People who show that show kindness towards others, people who are checked out, you won't find horrible things out about these people, and people who show loyalty.
On place of worship it doesn't matter what religon you follow just go to your local church, or synogauge (if you are ready), let them get to know you, and then ask if they know anyone who they think could be a good match for you.
First where not to find a spouse:
A BAR
ONLINE
In those two places you are only looking at what the person looks like (or what they seem to look like). Physical attraction can be good, but only if there is something beyond that keeping a relationship together (shared intrest, values, etc.).
THE BEST PLACES TO FIND SOMEONE WHO IS QUALITY
Place of worship
Community service events
Refered by someone you know
With these last three ways to find someone, you are finding more refined people. People who show that show kindness towards others, people who are checked out, you won't find horrible things out about these people, and people who show loyalty.
On place of worship it doesn't matter what religon you follow just go to your local church, or synogauge (if you are ready), let them get to know you, and then ask if they know anyone who they think could be a good match for you.
Monday, February 9, 2015
What to look for in a spouse
Again I refer to http://craigkohntheaspergerscoach.blogspot.co.il/2015/02/video-four-ways-to-marry-wrong-person.html.
Adding to that there are things besides what was said that you want to look for. Do they treat people with respect? Are they kind to everyone? Are they paitant?
These are good things to find out about someone you are with. In my next post I will tell some really good ways to meet good people.
Adding to that there are things besides what was said that you want to look for. Do they treat people with respect? Are they kind to everyone? Are they paitant?
These are good things to find out about someone you are with. In my next post I will tell some really good ways to meet good people.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
A few unique things an Aspergers person should do in dating
Again this relates to people who are able to take care of themselves, and are able to give a spouce the things they need (comfort, love, etc.). If your not ready for a relationship yet work on yourself!
If you saw yesterdays post 4 ways to marry the wrong person you will (or may have already known) that shared common belief and values is an important part of a good relationship.
Here are two relating factors that should be looked at in a relationship.
1.For some people who are really into a certain thing should look for someone who shares those interest, I remember a friend of mine who has aspergers from YU. He is a big science fiction guy, and I suggested someone who also had an interest in those areas. What he could do is talk to people and ask for someone like he is looking for.
2.Another important thing is to focus on your strengths
I know another guy who is very learned in Jewish Studies, and VERY VERY INTELLEGENT. He was down playing how learned he is (which would be something that would make his awkwardness a little less of an issue in dating, as quite a lot of orthodox Jewish girls would be interested in marrying someone very learned).
If you saw yesterdays post 4 ways to marry the wrong person you will (or may have already known) that shared common belief and values is an important part of a good relationship.
Here are two relating factors that should be looked at in a relationship.
1.For some people who are really into a certain thing should look for someone who shares those interest, I remember a friend of mine who has aspergers from YU. He is a big science fiction guy, and I suggested someone who also had an interest in those areas. What he could do is talk to people and ask for someone like he is looking for.
2.Another important thing is to focus on your strengths
I know another guy who is very learned in Jewish Studies, and VERY VERY INTELLEGENT. He was down playing how learned he is (which would be something that would make his awkwardness a little less of an issue in dating, as quite a lot of orthodox Jewish girls would be interested in marrying someone very learned).
Monday, February 2, 2015
Video: Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person
I'll talk about one of those points tommorow relating to aspergers
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
How I improved myself in conversations (an example of how an aspergers person (or anyone) can make a relationship work)
I had a few times I went out with a girl, but they didn't work out. One thing that went wrong was for myself I didn't have as good of an idea of what to talk about, and keep a conversation going. After a while the conversations died. I heard from a freind of mine (who doesn't have aspergers) that he was also experiencing this problem. That the first and second dates went alright but after that the conversations just died. That encouraged me to improve my conversational skills
I looked for different pieces of advice on maintaing a conversation. I found out that I should ask more deep questions like How was that, or can you tell me more about that (not just going for the basic answer). I practiced and prepared for a date with these methods, and this girl liked the conversations (she even told me herself), but it didn't work out (she did break up in a nice way) the thing that didn't make it work was that I didn't have a steady income (even a small one).
This is an example of what someone needs to do to make a relationship work.
Hat tip: Eli Massihesraelian
Monday, January 12, 2015
The importance of understanding your aspergers in a relationship
A relationship is a big responsibility. You have to be aware of your partner's needs, and give them what they want.
Besides the normal problems with a relationship, people with aspergers have additional problems. Dealing with empathy, socializing, thinking about what is on the other person's mind (theory of mind), and lack of realizing what is proper in a relationship.
Understanding and preparing to deal with your challenges can help you better succeed at a relationship.
From myself and others I see that if a person works on these things they can improve. Besides myself I have heard from others who were able to improve in these areas. Tommorow I will post a personal story of how I improved in conversing with a girl.
Besides the normal problems with a relationship, people with aspergers have additional problems. Dealing with empathy, socializing, thinking about what is on the other person's mind (theory of mind), and lack of realizing what is proper in a relationship.
Understanding and preparing to deal with your challenges can help you better succeed at a relationship.
From myself and others I see that if a person works on these things they can improve. Besides myself I have heard from others who were able to improve in these areas. Tommorow I will post a personal story of how I improved in conversing with a girl.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
The flip side of a relationship (WORST THAN DEATH)!
Although many people can easily understand that a relationship can be an enjoyable thing, most people also forget that it can also be something worst than death. This is very harsh, so let me explain where I am coming from.
Look at the facts most people in America who get married get divorced. If you have seen how painful a divorce can be you will understand this.
The first thing that a person with Asperger has to do when they are looking at getting in a relationship is can they handle it. Can they give the other person what they need in a relationship (do they know what another person would need in a relationship), can they take care of themselves (a relationship is not meant to give you someone to take care of you in your current state), are they emotionaly stable or ready for a relationship.
Many people are in unhappy relationships, but if someone is able to handle a relationship with the knowledge of what make a succesful relationship they can overcome those things.
I hope to be bloging about some important things to do in order to make a relationship work.
Look at the facts most people in America who get married get divorced. If you have seen how painful a divorce can be you will understand this.
The first thing that a person with Asperger has to do when they are looking at getting in a relationship is can they handle it. Can they give the other person what they need in a relationship (do they know what another person would need in a relationship), can they take care of themselves (a relationship is not meant to give you someone to take care of you in your current state), are they emotionaly stable or ready for a relationship.
Many people are in unhappy relationships, but if someone is able to handle a relationship with the knowledge of what make a succesful relationship they can overcome those things.
I hope to be bloging about some important things to do in order to make a relationship work.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
A comment on what dating can do for a person with aspergers
For more ideas on autism dating check out my youtube videos https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTyPmM07PYKQ5jCemBTV_I73lDroP2xmG
I saw this response from posting my article on linkedin. I agree with it because I have lived it myself.
Thank you for pointing this fact out to everyone. I have two sons with both Aspergers and Autism. It has been amazing to see how dating has affect my oldest with Aspergers. The positive side of developing a relationship by dating for him has been motivation. What I mean by that is it has forced him to get out of his comfort zone. He would do anything to improve himself. The negative side is the improvement is for the approval of the other person. He has over come his social anxiety by dating. He also has studied and researched the behavior of popular male role models of love in history to try and teach himself the correct way to behave.
My younger son, is now 20yrs old and has Autism. He is more concern with the relationship of his friends. When we talk he likes girls but feels that it is better for him to finish college before dating. He is my more practical child. He is the typical, sees things as black or white.
It has and is a joy to watch these two grow into men. Oh, yes it is most difficult to watch them make mistakes in the choices. That is the hard part of being a parent, letting them learn and grow.
Elizabeth Impastato,BS,CRT.
IMPASTATO GALLERY & ART THERAPY/owner
I saw this response from posting my article on linkedin. I agree with it because I have lived it myself.
Thank you for pointing this fact out to everyone. I have two sons with both Aspergers and Autism. It has been amazing to see how dating has affect my oldest with Aspergers. The positive side of developing a relationship by dating for him has been motivation. What I mean by that is it has forced him to get out of his comfort zone. He would do anything to improve himself. The negative side is the improvement is for the approval of the other person. He has over come his social anxiety by dating. He also has studied and researched the behavior of popular male role models of love in history to try and teach himself the correct way to behave.
My younger son, is now 20yrs old and has Autism. He is more concern with the relationship of his friends. When we talk he likes girls but feels that it is better for him to finish college before dating. He is my more practical child. He is the typical, sees things as black or white.
It has and is a joy to watch these two grow into men. Oh, yes it is most difficult to watch them make mistakes in the choices. That is the hard part of being a parent, letting them learn and grow.
Elizabeth Impastato,BS,CRT.
IMPASTATO GALLERY & ART THERAPY/owner
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Dating and Aspergers: An introduction
Even though a lot of asperger people miss out on a lot of social cues, one thing they very often can pick up on is the opposite sex. Having a relationship is a normal thing to do, and something I know a lot of people with Aspergers want to do.
The next few weeks I'm going to write some post on things related to dating for someone with aspergers.
Before I do so it is important to look at basic things. First a person needs to be able to take care of themselves. A wife or a husband are not someone who is there to take care of you (and they don't look forward to a lifetime of taking care of you). Next on the social side it's basicly the guys who have to work really hard on this stuff, but having a relationship with a girl requires a lot of social skills (guys don't require as much of those things that a girl needs in a relationship).
I do not endorse everyone dating (because it can be hard for them. I do endorse encouraging people to work on the skills needed for a succesful relationship so the person doesn't have to get hurt when a relationship doesn't work out (where if they don't have those skills a relationship will be very hard).
Stay tuned for more post in the future.
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