Learning social skills vrs foreign languge

As some of you know I am now living in Israel.  The main language spoken is Hebrew.  For the last year I have been working on my Hebrew.  I've noticed that there are some simmilarities in learning a language and social skills (for someone on the autisim spectrum).  Here is one on exposure to a foreign language or social skills for autism:

• It may seem like a gigantic distance you have to go to master them, but with a lot of practice they are possible to master
• Getting exposed to social skills makes them possible to be learned (this means interacting often in a fun way for them (something they enjoy doing or going in the context of social skills)
• There are many ways to get that exposure.  In interacting that could be playing a game (even a multiplayer video game), visiting a place, or doing an activity.
• I personally have been watching a lot of videos in Hebrew and my Hebrew is so much better because of it FIND WHAT IS RIGHT FOR EACH CHILD

    

Advise for telling about Aspergers or Autism in a relationship

I know a lot of people with Aspergers/Autism who want to be in a relationship. There are a few suggestions I would give.

1.Understand you Aspergers/Autism
If you know your aspergers/autism enough to explain it, you can show what it is to the other person.  Many people have different ideas about autism and aspergers.  This leads to the next point.

2.Wait until you get serious to tell the other person
Several reasons: They understand you better, and will less likely imagine a lot of things that your aspergers/autism isn't.  You will help them understand any irregualarities.

3.Know that you don't meet the right one the first time.
I know several people who met on dates 150 people before they found the person who was right for them (and these are neurotypical people).

If someone has other suggestions please leave it as a comment
Best luck

Craig Kohn: Aspergers Coach an interview

The importance of giving a child responsibility

I remember the guy I worked with who I feel most sorry for.  It is not the lowest functioning person, it was one who was capable of a lot of things.  The reason I felt so sorry for this guy is that he didn't know anything of responsibility.  At the age of 26 he lived with his mother, didn't cook for himself, always looked to just go play (saying he wanted the summer to just have fun), and I don't know if he did ANY chores around the house.

The job of a parent isn't to be a friend to a child, it is to help teach a child how to be able to take care of themselves to the best of their ability.  Having aspergers or another disability is not an excuse of why a child can't do things that they are capable of doing.  Look for what things your child can do on their level, and give them responsibility.  Giving isn't always the right way to express love to a child (do you want to give a baby a steak).  I can't give every parent advice on what to do, you have to look at the situations and try to understand the best way in many cases to the best of your abilities.

Where to find a good spouse

This relates to people with aspergers, as well as people who don't.

First where not to find a spouse:
A BAR
ONLINE

In those two places you are only looking at what the person looks like (or what they seem to look like).  Physical attraction can be good, but only if there is something beyond that keeping a relationship together (shared intrest, values, etc.).

THE BEST PLACES TO FIND SOMEONE WHO IS QUALITY

Place of worship
Community service events
Refered by someone you know

With these last three ways to find someone, you are finding more refined people.  People who show that show kindness towards others, people who are checked out, you won't find horrible things out about these people, and people who show loyalty.

On place of worship it doesn't matter what religon you follow just go to your local church, or synogauge (if you are ready), let them get to know you, and then ask if they know anyone who they think could be a good match for you.

What to look for in a spouse

Again I refer to http://craigkohntheaspergerscoach.blogspot.co.il/2015/02/video-four-ways-to-marry-wrong-person.html.

Adding to that there are things besides what was said that you want to look for.  Do they treat people with respect?  Are they kind to everyone?  Are they paitant?

These are good things to find out about someone you are with.  In my next post I will tell some really good ways to meet good people.

Look for their good point

I know this happened with me people when trying to think of things for me to do as a proffesion saw things like my stuter, and poor social skills as the defining thing of what I could do.  They didn't look at my strengths and see that there could be something I could do with those.

I saw this again recently with someone I've been working with his father wanted me to get him a job he could get with the services he was getting working in a thrift shop.  I talked to him and immediately saw more pottential than that in him.  We worked on looking for something that he would like, and we found that he enjoys cooking.  We now having getting more and more practice cooking, and I am encouraging this guy to network more.

YOU GOT TO BELIEVE IN THEM

There is a Jewish saying "If I am not for myself then who am I" saying if you don't fight for yourself no one will.

This doesn't only apply to yourself this also applies to a child.  You are the only one who will do everything you can for your child, or your students.  That is why you have you have to believe in them.  No one else will work to find at the good things in your child which can give them so much of a better life.  Even if it's not something that looks the best help your child grow in their strong points.

I'll post something more on this tommorow.

A few unique things an Aspergers person should do in dating

Again this relates to people who are able to take care of themselves, and are able to give a spouce the things they need (comfort, love, etc.).  If your not ready for a relationship yet work on yourself!

If you saw yesterdays post 4 ways to marry the wrong person you will (or may have already known) that shared common belief and values is an important part of a good relationship.

Here are two relating factors that should be looked at in a relationship.

1.For some people who are really into a certain thing should look for someone who shares those interest,  I remember a friend of mine who has aspergers from YU.  He is a big science fiction guy, and I suggested someone who also had an interest in those areas.  What he could do is talk to people and ask for someone like he is looking for.

2.Another important thing is to focus on your strengths
I know another guy who is very learned in Jewish Studies, and VERY VERY INTELLEGENT.  He was down playing how learned he is (which would be something that would make his awkwardness a little less of an issue in dating, as quite a lot of orthodox Jewish girls would be interested in marrying someone very learned).

Video: Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

Video: Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person



I'll talk about one of those points tommorow relating to aspergers

The improtance of a mentor

It's important to not just rely on your own judgement.  This may be a surprise for some people but there are people out there who have more knowledge and experience than you.  Someone who knows you, you feel comfortable with, and can advise you.

I remember a few years ago a friend of mine was telling me how he saw 2 guys who were going towards a degree in Physics.  One really smart, and one not as smart.  The one who wasn't as smart took all the advice my friend had (as he also went for a physics degree), and that guy got farther than the guy who gave him the advice in a shorter amount of time.

This is something that also applies to parents in raising a child in general, and especially in raising an aspergers child.

Save yourself trouble get a mentor!

The importance of developing skills

One thing that can really improve an asperger person's life is teaching them skills.  This includes hygine, cooking (a very expansive area), and so many other things.  When someone sees that they can do something they feel better about themselves.  They will believe in themselves and be able to acheive so much more.

This can help a person with Aspergers get a job.  Who is more likely to get a job a person with a disability or a someone without?  The answer is simple the person without a disability.  But what if the person with a disability knows something like selling on ebay, ironing clothes, or with other skills, and the person without a disability doesn't know anything about that area.  It changes the situation.

Look carefully at different thearpies

There are a lot  of different therapies out there to help people on the spectrum.  I remember finding out that a place near where one of the people I worked with had "theraputic horseback riding".  I knew that this guy obsessed about animals and thought it would be a good idea.  To a degree thankfully it was full.  I say this because I realize like many on the spectrum this boy was unique,  He obsessed about animals, BUT I started to notice he would do not nice things to those animals, so a lot of things I thought of for him to do with animals were things I realized needed to be avoided (although going to zoos and muesames would be alright).

With perspective I also see that you need to know what and where the benifits come from.  I have a cousin who is fully autistic (non verbal).  I was talking with his father, and he said they tried "theraputic horseback riding" but it didn't help their child much.

One of my roommates also mentioned a family that purchased a dog trained to help their child who had autism.  Unfortunately the dog died.

The morale of the story.  Before you try a type of therapy look at what it does, and in what ways it helps people to see if it is right for your child (instead of blindly trusting that it will work (because each autistic kid is different (and there are still many people whose kids did it an are still on the spectrum).

Talk with people who have done it and make an informed decision.