The importance of giving a child responsibility

I remember the guy I worked with who I feel most sorry for.  It is not the lowest functioning person, it was one who was capable of a lot of things.  The reason I felt so sorry for this guy is that he didn't know anything of responsibility.  At the age of 26 he lived with his mother, didn't cook for himself, always looked to just go play (saying he wanted the summer to just have fun), and I don't know if he did ANY chores around the house.

The job of a parent isn't to be a friend to a child, it is to help teach a child how to be able to take care of themselves to the best of their ability.  Having aspergers or another disability is not an excuse of why a child can't do things that they are capable of doing.  Look for what things your child can do on their level, and give them responsibility.  Giving isn't always the right way to express love to a child (do you want to give a baby a steak).  I can't give every parent advice on what to do, you have to look at the situations and try to understand the best way in many cases to the best of your abilities.

Where to find a good spouse

This relates to people with aspergers, as well as people who don't.

First where not to find a spouse:
A BAR
ONLINE

In those two places you are only looking at what the person looks like (or what they seem to look like).  Physical attraction can be good, but only if there is something beyond that keeping a relationship together (shared intrest, values, etc.).

THE BEST PLACES TO FIND SOMEONE WHO IS QUALITY

Place of worship
Community service events
Refered by someone you know

With these last three ways to find someone, you are finding more refined people.  People who show that show kindness towards others, people who are checked out, you won't find horrible things out about these people, and people who show loyalty.

On place of worship it doesn't matter what religon you follow just go to your local church, or synogauge (if you are ready), let them get to know you, and then ask if they know anyone who they think could be a good match for you.

What to look for in a spouse

Again I refer to http://craigkohntheaspergerscoach.blogspot.co.il/2015/02/video-four-ways-to-marry-wrong-person.html.

Adding to that there are things besides what was said that you want to look for.  Do they treat people with respect?  Are they kind to everyone?  Are they paitant?

These are good things to find out about someone you are with.  In my next post I will tell some really good ways to meet good people.

Look for their good point

I know this happened with me people when trying to think of things for me to do as a proffesion saw things like my stuter, and poor social skills as the defining thing of what I could do.  They didn't look at my strengths and see that there could be something I could do with those.

I saw this again recently with someone I've been working with his father wanted me to get him a job he could get with the services he was getting working in a thrift shop.  I talked to him and immediately saw more pottential than that in him.  We worked on looking for something that he would like, and we found that he enjoys cooking.  We now having getting more and more practice cooking, and I am encouraging this guy to network more.

YOU GOT TO BELIEVE IN THEM

There is a Jewish saying "If I am not for myself then who am I" saying if you don't fight for yourself no one will.

This doesn't only apply to yourself this also applies to a child.  You are the only one who will do everything you can for your child, or your students.  That is why you have you have to believe in them.  No one else will work to find at the good things in your child which can give them so much of a better life.  Even if it's not something that looks the best help your child grow in their strong points.

I'll post something more on this tommorow.

A link to my times of Israel post from last week

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/what-is-aspergers/

Telling what aspergers is

A few unique things an Aspergers person should do in dating

Again this relates to people who are able to take care of themselves, and are able to give a spouce the things they need (comfort, love, etc.).  If your not ready for a relationship yet work on yourself!

If you saw yesterdays post 4 ways to marry the wrong person you will (or may have already known) that shared common belief and values is an important part of a good relationship.

Here are two relating factors that should be looked at in a relationship.

1.For some people who are really into a certain thing should look for someone who shares those interest,  I remember a friend of mine who has aspergers from YU.  He is a big science fiction guy, and I suggested someone who also had an interest in those areas.  What he could do is talk to people and ask for someone like he is looking for.

2.Another important thing is to focus on your strengths
I know another guy who is very learned in Jewish Studies, and VERY VERY INTELLEGENT.  He was down playing how learned he is (which would be something that would make his awkwardness a little less of an issue in dating, as quite a lot of orthodox Jewish girls would be interested in marrying someone very learned).

Video: Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person

Video: Four Ways to Marry the Wrong Person



I'll talk about one of those points tommorow relating to aspergers